Arabic Lebanease Funny Jokes

Good news and Bad news
Abu El Abed (AA) answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
Doctor: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good
news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need
help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
Abu El Abed: "My God. What's the good news?"
Doctor: "I'm kidding. She's dead."





Em El Abed Trying to Shoot Herself
Em El Abed is distraught because she fear that her husband Abu El Abed is having an affair,
so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find Abu El
Abed in bed with a beautiful lady. She grabs the gun and hold it to her own head. Abu El
Abed jumps out of bed, begging her not to shoot herself. Hysterically Em El Abed responds
"shut up" you are next.




Abu El Abed and the Chinese Girl
Abu El Abed (AA) is going in a bus to Tripoli. He looks at the girl sitting next to him and
says...
AA: ma7hsoubek AA, baddek ma twakhezneh, enteh sinieh sheh ? (Are you a Chinese
?)
Girl (Politely): la' ya AA aneh mesh sinieh. (No, I'm not Chinese.)
After a little while AA asks the girl,
AA: bayek sineh sheh ? (Is your father a Chinese ?)
Girl: la' bayeh mesh sineh. (No, my father is not a chinese)
After a while...
AA: Emmek sinieh sheh ? (Is your mother a Chinese ?)
Girl: la' emmeh mesh sinieh. (No, my mother is not a Chinese.)
After ten minutes...
AA: akkedeh enno ma fee 7hada sineh be3ayletkoun ? (Are you sure that you do not
have any Chinese in your family ?)
In exasperation, and in a final effort to shut AA up, the girl replies in high voice...  
Girl : eh, ana sinieh ou bayeh sineh ou emmeh sinieh ou 3ailteh kelloun sinieh. Shou
baddak ba3ed ? (I am Chinese, my father is Chinese, my mother is Chinese and all
my family is chinese. What do you want more ?)
AA : ma tkouneh z3elteh. Bass ghareeb enno 3younek mesh metel 3youn el sinieh.
(Funny,.....you don't have eyes like the Chinese eyes.)



Abu El Abed Calls Home
Abu Abed (AA) was calling his house; the Maid answered...
AA: This is your master, give me madam.
Maid: I can't, she is sleeping with my master.
AA (ragging mad): You idiot, I am your master; she's cheating on me!!! Go get the
gun, shoot them, and get back to me.
She does as he says
AA: Now cut them into small pieces and put them in plastic bags.
Again she obediantly does as he ordered
AA: Take the bags and put them in the basement.
Maid: But sir, this is an appartment, we don't have a basement.
AA: Isn't this 309-433?
Maid: No, it's 309-444
AA: Sorry, wrong number.